18 Signs You Are a Digital Marketer

#1: You Include a Call to Action in Your Online Dating Profile

 

I’ll bet you $20 that the man who designed this shirt is a marketer…and he’s probably wearing this shirt in his Tinder profile picture.

#2: Your Mom Tells People You “Do PCP” for a Living

 

I’m not even kidding. Luckily, I caught it and was able to correct her before she slandered my name completely.

#3: You’re Thinking About Christmas in July

 

Literally. Because we all know that, if you don’t start planning for Q4 over the summer, there won’t be any holiday cheer in your life come December.

#4: You Abandon Shopping Carts Just to Score Discount Codes

Its ok, we’ve all tampered with remarketing once or twice in hopes that discount that an ad with a discount code will soon come our way. Perhaps the best story I’ve heart of an advertising professional manipulating remarketing is that of a woman who used her boyfriend’s computer to shop for engagement rings solely to ensure he’d be stalked by ring ads. Sure enough, he took the bait and proposed soon after.

#5: You Swoon When John Gagnon Follows You On Twitter

 

@GagnonsHair

Ok, maybe this one is just me, but I was pretty proud of myself the day BingAds’ Evangelist, John Gagnon followed me. I can actually confirm that Larry Kim had a very similar reaction the day John followed him. In fact, Larry may just be John’s original Fanboy. I even have the tweet to prove it.

#6: You Hardcore Spam Your Inner Circle Until Someone Gives You a Discount Code for Inbound

 

Sure, we’re all desperate to score tickets to hang out with our fellow digital marketing friends and see Aziz and Amy Schumer speak. Good news, you can stop harassing your PPC pals. We’ve got that code you’re begging for right here.

#7: Sometimes You Sign Up For Services You Don’t Need, Just to Check Out Their Conversion Process

It’s cool, it’s not spying if it’s research. In fact, 9 out of 10 times, you probably go through with the purchase anyway, just to keep a clean conscience.

#8: You’ve Started Assigning Quality Scores to Your Dates

Here’s to hoping you are averaging between 7’s and 10’s. Below 5 and you need to make some serious changes.

#9: You Attribute Your Early-Onset Balding to Mobilegeddon

 

Turns out it wasn’t even THAT big of a deal.

#10: You’re Completely Obsessed With Optimization

 

You’ve even optimized your route to work.

#11: You’re Constantly Clearing the Cookies on Your Work Computer So You Don’t Sabotage Your Clients’ Remarketing Campaigns

Unfortunately, you can’t convince them to do the same.

#12: You Spend More Time in Excel Than With Your Friends

 

Remember when you one too many drinks put you in a stupor? Yep, now it’s one too many spreadsheets.

#13: You Have Dreams of Ranking #1 on the SERP

…and nightmares of being dethroned (that’s where you and Kanye West differ).

#14: You’re Overwhelmed with Guilt the Second You Accidentally Click on an Ad

 

Its ok guys, it happens. JUST DON’T MAKE A HABIT OF IT.

#15: You’re Pretty Confident about Your Job Security

Because at nearly 90% of its total revenue, online advertising is Google’s bread and butter.

#16: Your Spouse Has Banned You from Adding Bookmarks to Your Shared Computer

 

Its ok, all of us digital marketers bookmark cool landing pages on the reg. How else could we convince our clients/bosses to revamp their sites?

#17: You Lose your Sh*t Everytime the AdWords Interface Changes

 

The only thing that incites more rage is when you realize that AdWords Editor has yet to be updated.

#18: Your Vacation Starts AFTER the Holidays

 

Because, let’s be honest, no PPCer can really rest easy until Valentine’s Day is over.